Ode to the Piano

I miss my piano. I do. I miss the ivory  and ebony keys. I miss being able to play the piano as and when i want to. I miss trying out new progressions, figuring out a song, a tune, anything.

My room is too small for a decent keyboard... and so is my hall. My Yamaha Upright is sitting in my aunt's house - neglected, abandoned and cloaked in dust, I'm sure.

AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

One of the ways I relieve tension is playing on my piano. I remember the times when I take breaks between studying and marking just to sit at the piano and play away...  I miss my piano. Words don't do it justice...

And listening to music all the time does not hel. "Great song! Lemme try to play it." RUDE SHOCK - the piano ISN'T THERE! I open Garage Band on my mac and pathetically plonk away on my qwerty keyboard, pretending I'm actually playing. It's disgusting... my piano feels PLASTIC... I'm typing my music... 

I miss my piano...

 

Just keep looking up

I'm back. I figured if I'm gonna start blogging, then I should at least try to keep it alive on a monthly basis.

Tonight, I came to terms with many things...

1) I realised people find me intimidating. I'm like "Huh?!? You gotta be kidding me." But apparently, it's been observed to be a fact of life. It's been a perennial problem in my relating with others. "Am I really?", I ask myself. (ok, no, don't answer that) Apparently it's the way I talk, and the way that I just am - PAM. I find it slightly disturbing...

2) I miss my friends. I really, really miss talking to them and just pouring my heart out. I haven't done that in a long long while. Plus, they don't find me intimidating. I haven't been talking much. Complaining doesn't count. (plus, I'm not allowed to do that anymore) But, talking... I think that's ok, right? I haven't been talking. I miss having ppl that are predictable. I don't have to guess how they would react, respond... because I know. I'm a little tired of unpredictability... 

3) I really need space. Not the "I'm a few inches larger than normal, so I need space" kinda thing... but I need psychological and emotional space. That's REALLY important to me. I think when that gets crowded out with things, people, work, entertainment (yes, even entertainment), I get discontented with my present state of being. It's like some yellow caution sign just before it turns red. Ok. I need to do something about my time.

4) I will miss my parents terribly one day.

5) I am human... and GOD, ... is GOD.

6) And so I need to keep looking up.

Awakening

You know how you're that far down, things can only get better? I think I'm still down there... but I do know it will start to get better. I mean, it can ONLY get better, right? Hopefully.

I've been complaining... A LOT. And I think God's getting tired of my complaints. And so He flashes His "STOP IT, PAM" hand signs in the forms of friends and preachers. I'm very grateful that He sends people my way to tell me when I'm not going the right way, He sends stop signs to help me get back on track, He speaks to me through sermons (well, considering how they're so spot-on, God's technically YELLING at me to STOP). I'm thankful because it means He hasn't given up on me. He hears me, He understands, He knows where I'm at, He Loves me enough to orchestrate these events and people together, just to SHOW me that He' s still here with me. He's awesome.

So here's to Pam: WAKE UP. WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!

And here's to my friends who came to speak to me: Thank You.

Here's to Him: I Love You... and it will never be enough. :)

I see You hanging there, bloodstained

And freedom in your hands

I see amazing Grace, I need

Compassion on your face

Now that I see You, I know

Your Love commands my soul

Now that I know You, I see

There's no one else for me

Staying in...

I realise that there's too much going on in my life right now to post anything on this blog without getting into trouble cos I'm bearing my heart. How?

Ok... stay in, thoughts and feelings... God knows.

Evaluation

I was in the dumps today... and I turned to find no one there to lift me up. It's a sucky feeling.

What are you doing with your life, Pam? What are you investing your time in? Who are you pouring time into? Where were they?

Maybe I need to re-evaluate.

"In all things give thanks." Thank you, God.

I miss you... come back quick... I have so much to say to you.

I'm Glad...

Today was the first time I led net in a long long while. I have to admit that I was really quite apprehensive. I know it seems weird for me to feel that way cos I've done it so many times before. But it's true.

The whole day I was thinking about how it would be like in net today cos I'm taking over a net with people I don't really know very well, save for one. So I was kinda nervous. I'm actually pretty shy. (YES, I KNOW... LAUGH YOUR HEADS OFF) But I am... I am actually, in reality, an introvert. I find nothing wrong with eating by yourself, sitting in a cafe by yourself, being in non-crowded places, not being the life of the party... being backstage instead of on stage... I actually don't enjoy strangers... and I clam up when I'm around people I don't know... you get the drift.

But today's net was (to me) really good. I got to know some youths better and got to hear about their goals in their walk with God, what they want to see changed in their lives, what God did for them in the week, their ideas about Barney the Purple Dinosaur. I had fun at net! Yaye! I hope net gets better and better... :)

... better and better...

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to me. :) 21st April marks the beginning of a new phase in my life. I'm looking forward to see what lies in store for me. Obviously it's not all gonna be a bed of roses, and obviously it might get worse than the previous decade (OMG, I can now actually use the word 'decade' to describe the phases of my life. SAVE ME, SOMEBODY!). But I'm looking forward.

I was compelled to think about what I've done with my life thus far.. and honestly, I can tell you - nothing much. But I'm not depressed about it. Because I know that in the insignificance of my life, I have grown in significant ways.

I think I've come a long long way from several years back. I've learnt to stand on my own two feet. I've learnt to let go of things and embrace others. But more importantly, I'm glad I can laugh at myself. I've loved every single experience that life has thrown at me because it has made me who I am today. I'm not perfect (Oh, God, NO!) but I've enjoyed this process... I don't think I'll trade my life for anyone else's. I love these quotes:

"Someday, I want every single line on my face to speak to an incredibly rich life."

"Years are just something from a calendar, and I love that the numbers get bigger but I don't feel that much difference."

Ha... how true... What's more important now for me is not what has happened to my life thus far... but what will happen to my life in time to come. It will be exciting. It will be rich in fun and seriousness, laughter and tears, joy and sorrow, strengths and weaknesses... but it will be rich with Life HIMself.

That's what I want it to be. 

Happy Birthday, Me. Have a great life!

The Last Day

Hmm... today is a day for reckoning. It's the LAST day before a new chapter starts. I cannot begin to explain to you how I actually feel about it. It's a mish-mash inside... but I'm definitely thinking a lot about it. Not exactly in some emo "i-wanna-go-to-a-corner-and-cry-my-eyes-out" sort of way... maybe more, well, reflective?

So the perennial question I ask myself is: What is it that I've accomplished?

Worth thinking about, huh? Because then this question leads you on to evaluating other stuff in your life. 

What is it?

The Ditch

This picture got me chuckling. Ok ok... I know it's probably linked to some riot, political unrest, sociological unhappiness.... but, what the heck... That's how it is sometimes, isn't it?

Haha... What we cannot afford, we make do. We create, we innovate, we reinvent, we improvise (and all the other synonyms that you can think while you're reading this).

And it's true how I always fall into this ditch of "I cannot afford to" - buy this, make that, renovate my room, buy new furniture, waste my life, waste my time, put on weight, get any shorter, live in Australia etc...

But I can be content. Yes... I can, and I will. :)

Growing

This is a short post. I just want to get it out.

I think it's so amazing how long we've come - growing up together, discovering ourselves, finding and losing loves, moving on to the different chapters of our lives. It's quite a feat!

You know how it is with these hollywood movies about girls growing up and forming some kind of unbreakable bond, this inner-circle of friendship, the eternal 'sisterhood'? - Yah, that's how I feel about us, the Ong sisters, the soon-to-be-Mrs Hoon and me... :)

It's so exciting that little Rachel is coming to the older of the Ongs... it's amazing. Now we have to make room for a little girl... and just when the younger Ong is moving out... But of course, no one gets replaced. We just make room for one more... :)

I think everyone needs a circle of friends like we have. It lets us tell of our life's story with much more than just words...

There's so much to look forward to. I cannot wait...

Time for Tea

I had a great time Good Friday - hanging out with close friends and the Good News Singapore service was AWESOME.

One of my friends raised a concern when I was talking about my working in church. She's worried that I'm slowly losing my wit and she's afraid I'm not going to be funny anymore. (cos she read my blog *pat on the shoulder* and thinks I'm turning into a saint. Why she would think that bewilders me. I'm far from one.) What a silly notion! (shout out to YOU, my friend!)

I'm still the same person lah... I just reflect more on the things that God's been showing me about my own life and working in church doesn't make me less relevant to you guys, ok? And YES, I ADMIT. I don't laugh as hard anywhere else other than being with you guys. What will I do without you people, huh? huh? huh? Who will I poke? Who will take my nonsense? Who will UNDERSTAND my jokes?!? Who will offer to give me watches they buy for their wife? Who will I tease?Who will I go to if I wanna be totally random?!?

I love tea-time with you guys. I really do. It makes me real. Honestly. I feel at ease, I can be myself, and I can say anything I want, tell you how I feel and know that at the end of the day, it doesn't change what you guys feel about me. THAT, is a gift that I treasure.

I love our rose therapy... I miss it badly. But, it doesn't matter that dumb Shangri-La decides to be a punk and only let us sit for 2 hours at one go (They're losing loyal customers), because even if it was at a coffee shop (that sells vegetarian food), or a cafe where snails are offered to a vegetarian, or in a pantry, I know I'll always have fun, and I'll always be in the company of people I can trust, and people I love.

I love you guys... truly.

And I cannot wait for the next time we meet up. Watch out... Haha...

Dead Man Walking

This was the session that really spoke to me about my own life.. and it was this session that got me thinking a lot about my walk with God.

The title of the GC conference that I went to in Seattle was "Embrace Grace". It opened my eyes to see and understand what 'grace' really is. We all KNOW about grace - something we don't deserve but yet is offered to us. But how many really UNDERSTAND grace? That we REALLY don't need to earn it. It's there for us - freely given, freely receive. Grace IS God... and He's there for us to receive. How marvellous that the Creator of the UNIVERSE lets Himself be so readily available for us - mere humans, whose existence on earth is but fleeting. Just thinking about it kinda blows your mind a little out of proportion. And if you keep meditating on it, you realise that it starts to overtake your mind and your perspectives on life changes... and it alters, transforms. It's AMAZING GRACE...

In this conference, there was this session called "Dead Man Walking" by Pas Joel Stockstill and it really spoke to me. It was about how we are to be like Dead Men Walking. Why? Because our lives don't belong to us. And there is such liberty in walking like that. When you subject yourself to be 'dead', you really place yourself entirely in the hands of God. Nothing about you is you anymore. So you don't have to worry about your future, what tomorrow brings, your problems and cares, what about, what if... because you're not you! When you choose to live like that, it becomes liberating... not stifling... because you KNOW you're in good hands of one who loves you more than life itself.

"It is impossible for you to do what you want to do AND do what God wants you to do - unless you're DEAD. Then what you want to do will be ALL that God wants. Because you're DEAD, everything about you will be Him."

How absolutely true. It really got me thinking. This is what dying to yourself means. When Jesus was alive, He was a dead man walking. He knew His destiny was death on the cross but yet nevertheless, he was 'dead' to Himself and all that was Him was His Father's Will. 

And when I reflect about my life and my attitude to the things around me, I told God I want to strive to be a dead man. I know in my heart and flesh that I will struggle against it, I will argue my way through, rationalise, but this is my desire and I pray that the grace of God will help me get there... so that all I am will be all that He wants me to be.

As I examine my life, these were some of the things that really spoke to me:

1) Repentance is a lifestyle. It's not just a prayer you say when you accept Christ. When the Holy Spirit convicts, repent immediately. The more you fight Him, the easier it is to forget Him. 

2) Rebellion sometimes has little to do with sin. It can be a bad attitude. (Ouch! That hurts!) God, help me with that because I know I fall into that all too easily...

3) A dead person does not belong to this world... and the world cannot affect a dead person. How true. If you're dead, then no matter how much the world tries to get into you, it just will not and cannot do anything to you. You're... errr... DEAD! So factual but so difficult to understand sometimes. 

4) Your will ultimately determines how much ground you give to the Lord or to yourself. You can do something, but unless your will does it, you didn't do it. Wow... 

5) Brokenness is the ability to stay silent when given a command, being mistreated, or even falsely accused. It is being dead to your rights and privileges while being daily sensitized to the ever present guiding of the Holy Spirit. Digest this...

Help me Lord, because I can't do this on my own.

You've stolen my heart, yes, You have

You've wiped away the stains, You've broke away the chains

Yes, You have

This is all for You

You're the King of the world

-Leeland, "Yes, You Have"-

Hello there!

Hong Kong with Mom

I know, I know.... this is waaaaayyy overdue but here it is. better late than never. How true... haha...

Hong Kong with mom was definitely refreshing. NOT boring at all... and, definitely did not get bored with mom. In fact, I've learned to enjoy her more. Ok, yes, cheesy, but it's true. Ever felt that as you grow older, so do your parents? I felt that way in Hong Kong. Mom was getting older... and one day, I know we'll say goodbye for real and then everything else to redeem will be too late. So, grab the opportunity while there's still time.... or pray very hard for the rapture than no one has to leave forever. :) But, yeah, HK was fun. Mom was just like, "Ok, just buy lah. Don't care already." Pam was like, "COOL! Awesome!" Haha... You definitely MUST go to H&M in HK. It rocks... it's a super nice store with good clothes and everything else that's fashion related. Of course, there's the food... glorious food... I think it's just not possible to starve in HK. Honestly. How to??!!??

Space Needle in Seattle

Seattle was awesome too... Here's the fun part. Next post on my reflections. I find it hard to combine my reflections of the Seminar and the fun part of Seattle all together.

It was definitely fun going with all the ppl that went with me. We really ate, drank and merried... haha... food was good. HUGE portions but very nice burgers and pasta, pizzas... but a little expensive to eat out there. Actually, there's nothing much to see in Seattle but the shopping was awesome. Really... you can really bag a good bargain in the States. And you cna buy ANYTHING. Really... I brought back things from shoes to Eater eggs. Haha. You can come try them when you get to my office (if my colleagues haven't finished it yet, that is! Ah-Hem!) But, yeah, it was nice to be able to go to the waterfall, experience snow... and the conference was good. I took away some stuff and I think God really dealt with some stuff in my life through that. So, I had a great time, basically. And I'm really thankful that I got to go. It was a real blessing. 

Thank you, Jesus... and Thank you, everyone who enabled me to go and survive well in the States. 

I am so grateful... :)

You can view pictures on my facebook... it's all there.

Silly Mom

I'm flying off in a couple of hours... While we were packing our stuff, mom looked worried.

Pam: Are you excited to go to Hong Kong? It's TOMORROW!

Mom: (pretending to stay calm) Where got exciting?

Pam slaps mom on the arm. Mom laughs.

Mom: I'm a bit worried leh.

Pam: Why? That you'll get lost? Don't worry lah. I'm here what. We've been to Hong Kong!

Mom: No lah. Not that.

Pam: Then?

Mom: I'm worried you'll get bored of me in these 5 days.

Pam: What?!? Why would I be? You're my mom! Don't be silly!

And so ends our silly but loaded pre-Hong Kong conversation. I'm looking forward to having a great time with mom. Yaye...

I'll see you when I get back! Take care, and don't miss me too much. ha...

Good

Finally... I've been meaning to get to this post since Sunday... and now I'm finally here on Thursday... Hah!

This week's been quite crazy. Have been trying to prepare for the Big Launch before I fly off. What was I thinking when I thought I didn't have to do anymore events after I leave MOE??!?? I need a wake up call. Haha...

Speaking of wake-up calls, I think God's been trying to give me several. It all started on Sunday. I didn't end last week on a good note at all. Well, was in a situation I really didn't appreciate being in and when I got home, I had to check myself and set time to talk to God about it. You know how sometimes when you go through something and you really wanna let it out to someone but there's NO ONE to let it out to? Yeah, that was how I felt on Sunday night. But I think it was good cos I eventually turned to God (which sounds kinda bad, I know, but I take heart that I didn't just go to sleep and not talk to Him.)

I think GOD'S REALLY GOOD.

It's not just something we sing about, or say to each other, or make fun of Don Moen with... (HAHA)... but it's a FACT. God is good! And when you experience the goodness of God (no matter how big or small), it's a great feeling. Like someone's watching your back, dependable. This was going through my mind the whole week.

So, thank you, God, for the good things that have happened. I know life cannot be a bed of roses and most times it just kinda stinks... but YOU are good nevertheless. It's not positive talk, it's encountering who You are.

Thank YOU for Hong Kong! Seattle! Good friends! Coffee! SALES!... even the simple jump in queue numbers so I can collect my passport 20 people faster.

Thank YOU.

New! New! New!

 

Woohoo! Jurong West looks nicer than I expected! And I'm starting to feel the excitement of moving. It's still stressful for the sound guys, video people, the cleaners, chair movers and placement officers, my Regional Administrator, Regional Pastor... and the list just goes on! But, tonight, while I was there, and just doing a miniscule part of helping to see where the instrument goes made me feel that much more excited! I can't wait to see the hall filled with people come Sunday! YAYE!

Here's some reasons why Jurong West is going to be AWESOME:

1) The carpet is NOT the typical VFC green (clap clap clap)

2) NEW! instruments that look very cool (thank you, Jason)

3) We have dark wood lamination instead of the icky pukey khaki that is CCK (sorry, R12)

4) I think it looks nicer than Sembawang... haha.. albeit VERY much smaller.

5) We're in it.... the people make all the difference! haha...

And.. just for the record, because Esther Foong keeps drumming it into my head: We're sharing the building with another church (where she believes her true love is... and we're not talking about Jesus here).

So, there... it's gonna be awesome! 

Ps: No photos cos you'll get to experience it when you come! (shout out to Danielle who's contemplating. HAHA. Now that's it out on the internet, you HAVE to come, like it or not! Hehe...)

Looking Forward

I have to say, I'm really looking forward to several things:

1) HONG KONG! 13 March-17 March.

I'm finally going out of the country! Woohoo! Spending some days with mom is gonna be good. I think she deserves it... and I'm so happy to be a part of making that happen for her! Yaye! Of course, it helps that there's milk tea, french toast, great roasted meats, tim sum, shopping, and general slacking. Haha! 5 glorious days of sheer indulgence... God forgive me. Haha.

2) SEATTLE! 23 March-6 April

Ok. I've never been to the States, so this is a real experience of a life-time. Doesn't help that my boss is proudly American (not that it's not good, don't get me wrong!). But yeah, I'm looking forward to attending the youth conference at Generation Church, and getting re-charged, re-fuelled... and ideas for our own conference at the end of the year! Woo hoo! Ok ok... there's of course the worldly stuff like eat, shop, and whatever.. you get the idea. 

3) BIG LAUNCH! 14 March

I'm excited about how everything will unfold. I know it's gonna be great, and it will be very rewarding for the people who's making it happen. Yaye! Only thing is- I'm away in Hong Kong. But nonethelss, I'm excited about it. I hope everything goes well! It will!

4) TRAINING OTHERS (date unconfirmed)

Yepp... I'm actually looking forward to be able to start training some people soon in the area of creative arts/performing arts. Maybe it's cos I kinda miss teaching... so this might be the closest I get to be in a class, although I'm not waxing lyrical about poetry and prose, but still, it's kinda exhilarating to be able to impart what i know (also not a lot lah, but God will help me) I'm gonna be stressed out about developing materials, preparing training, teaching people who could possibly be older than I am (I know there're some ppl who think this is highly impossible but, YES, THERE ARE PEOPLE OLDER THAN I AM, OKAY!). But, it's exciting anyway. I find it hard to believe I'm saying this... but, I guess I should thank God that I'm not sinking into depression over it. haha...

Yaye... this was not too bad to blog about. I'm thinking happy thoughts. Good job, Pam! :)

There's always something to look forward to...

All In Good Time

Today was really good. Started out boring... like another mundane Monday, but I was glad for a friend's company. Yaye... 

I haven't met up with her for so long it was really nice to catch up over Banana Mango Crumble and Key Lime Pie at Project Shop Cafe. Yums! Complete with Fresh Brew and Cappuccino. Yes... be envious. It's ok. :) But that's not the main event. 

We got to talking and somehow, in the midst of us talking, I realised that I missed having conversations like these with my friends... I missed sharing my heart, my thoughts and my opinions, my struggles and my joy. It's so great to have friends who've come a long, long way with you. You can pick up conversations from anywhere in time. 

We were talking about teaching, promotions, a frivolous, worldly life of buying stuff - shoes, bags, clothes - and me lamenting about how all that seems a distant reach for me. Ha. But, oddly enough, although the pain of not being able to do anything much (except contemplate if the next cup of Starbucks is gonna cost me lunch for the next two days), I felt a strange affirmation from God that ALL IS WELL.  

"But it's not all well, God. Where's all the stuff that I want (and can actually afford)?!?"

But it is. It's all well because it's all in His good time. I think back about how I got to be where I am now and... (i know it'll sound cheesy, but it's true) I thank God. I'm not begging by the streets, I'm fully clothed (thank God!), I can still have coffee and pie with my friends, I can buy the odd new blouse here and there, I am a happier person, I'm right where He wants me to be! And this makes me happy. :) I'm doing what He wants me to do. 

He didn't say the process will be great, but He did promise a blast of a finish... so, I look forward to that. Yes, it's true I still miss my Shangri-La high tea at the Rose Verandah (you NEED to go there some day), I miss my "I'll-buy-it-cos-it's-so-nice-and-i-can-afford-it" shopping sprees, I miss lunches at Crystal Jade as and when I want, I miss flagging down the cab whenever. 

But I think I'll miss God more.

So, here's cheers to the last-minute wonderful Monday I had, cheers to how everything in my life is a result (one way or another) of His good timing (albeit sometimes a little 59th-second) and cheers to many more great times with God.

For everything Lord, help me to always look into Your face and be thankful that it's You I see holding me. I'll learn to take the road less travelled and learn to smell the roses that I'll find along the way.

Life Buoys

I was really blessed yesterday. I'm really proud of the youths in my region. They are really, really a god-send and I'm so blessed to be working with them. :)

Ever since the youth ministry embarked on the vision of seeing 300 net leaders raised up, I can sense such a dramatic change in the spiritual atmosphere of the ministry. Even in my region, I'm so excited to be working with a bunch of young people who are sold out for God. I've been so blessed to see their enthusiasm to see multiplication take place like never before. Even the seemingly immovable mountains are starting to shift in their places. God is doing an exciting thing in this generation. Did I mention how blessed I am to be a part of it?

Yesterday, the youth ministry was tasked by the region to handle a whole bunch of handbills. And somehow, we got some stuff mixed up and ended up loading 20 packs of handbills into Jonathan's car. And just when we thought that was all, in the evening, the RA came and told me that was only for half the youth ministry's strength. (??!!??) But you know what? While we were fretting over how to finish this, some of the guys and the girls got together and decided that there would be enough mumbling and they would just go down and get it done.

Mobilisation Mass SMS and Handbilling.

They all rallied together and decided to do it not because of anything but because:

1) it needs to get done

2) people need a miracle

3) people need life buoys

What an example... and what a great testimony. I'm so blessed that they just pulled together and decided to just do it. I'm so impressed by their initiative. You're wonderful, guys... and girls... (aiyah, you know what I mean) You're a GREAT bunch!

Life buoy to me... to this generation.

Someone out there will be so blessed... because as they wait upon the storms of life, you will be offering them a life buoy.

Good Times

Today wasn't such a bad day. Thank God. I've learnt to thank God for every day that went well. Good days are hard to find... and I found one today!

Had a great time at Edge UC. Jeremy preached a sermon about our baggages in life and how we carry them everywhere we go, and let it cloud our lives. It was a good reminder of my life and where it stands now. I'm actually very happy with my life right now... and I feel kinda proud about myself. 

"Explain, Pam... explain."

I found out the truth about something rather inevitable, actually. And when I found out, I was pleasantly surprised to evaluate that it affects me less than how I expected it to. In fact, it was of little consequence. Ha. I'm so happy! The baggage of "Past" is running on empty! YAYE! 

After Edge UC, I had a great time at dinner and after Prata and Teh-Tarik, a few of us went on to McCafe at West Coast to have another drink and I had the most hilarious times laughing at the state of our army... and the cost of national service. It was mostly: sip coffee, listen to stories, laugh very hard, wipe tears off eyes, sip coffee, listen to stories, laugh very hard... etc. It was a lot of good fun that I haven't had in a long long while. I'm very thankful for that. It's like fuel for your heart and your soul. Haha... extremely therapeutic!

Then I come back to find my sister posted on my blog wondering why I'm not back yet... and it moved me. I know, I know... she probably didn't mean to show that much care but nonetheless, it felt good to be thought of in your absence. Thank you, sis. Your comment was the icing on the cake... I'm so thankful for you. Please don't ever LOSE yourself (haha)... I'll be very sad. 

So there, a light-hearted post cos someone told me today my posts were very 'emotional'... and I'm determined not to be an emo blogger. 

Thank God for good times...