Just keep looking up

I'm back. I figured if I'm gonna start blogging, then I should at least try to keep it alive on a monthly basis.

Tonight, I came to terms with many things...

1) I realised people find me intimidating. I'm like "Huh?!? You gotta be kidding me." But apparently, it's been observed to be a fact of life. It's been a perennial problem in my relating with others. "Am I really?", I ask myself. (ok, no, don't answer that) Apparently it's the way I talk, and the way that I just am - PAM. I find it slightly disturbing...

2) I miss my friends. I really, really miss talking to them and just pouring my heart out. I haven't done that in a long long while. Plus, they don't find me intimidating. I haven't been talking much. Complaining doesn't count. (plus, I'm not allowed to do that anymore) But, talking... I think that's ok, right? I haven't been talking. I miss having ppl that are predictable. I don't have to guess how they would react, respond... because I know. I'm a little tired of unpredictability... 

3) I really need space. Not the "I'm a few inches larger than normal, so I need space" kinda thing... but I need psychological and emotional space. That's REALLY important to me. I think when that gets crowded out with things, people, work, entertainment (yes, even entertainment), I get discontented with my present state of being. It's like some yellow caution sign just before it turns red. Ok. I need to do something about my time.

4) I will miss my parents terribly one day.

5) I am human... and GOD, ... is GOD.

6) And so I need to keep looking up.