I'm Glad...

Today was the first time I led net in a long long while. I have to admit that I was really quite apprehensive. I know it seems weird for me to feel that way cos I've done it so many times before. But it's true.

The whole day I was thinking about how it would be like in net today cos I'm taking over a net with people I don't really know very well, save for one. So I was kinda nervous. I'm actually pretty shy. (YES, I KNOW... LAUGH YOUR HEADS OFF) But I am... I am actually, in reality, an introvert. I find nothing wrong with eating by yourself, sitting in a cafe by yourself, being in non-crowded places, not being the life of the party... being backstage instead of on stage... I actually don't enjoy strangers... and I clam up when I'm around people I don't know... you get the drift.

But today's net was (to me) really good. I got to know some youths better and got to hear about their goals in their walk with God, what they want to see changed in their lives, what God did for them in the week, their ideas about Barney the Purple Dinosaur. I had fun at net! Yaye! I hope net gets better and better... :)

... better and better...

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to me. :) 21st April marks the beginning of a new phase in my life. I'm looking forward to see what lies in store for me. Obviously it's not all gonna be a bed of roses, and obviously it might get worse than the previous decade (OMG, I can now actually use the word 'decade' to describe the phases of my life. SAVE ME, SOMEBODY!). But I'm looking forward.

I was compelled to think about what I've done with my life thus far.. and honestly, I can tell you - nothing much. But I'm not depressed about it. Because I know that in the insignificance of my life, I have grown in significant ways.

I think I've come a long long way from several years back. I've learnt to stand on my own two feet. I've learnt to let go of things and embrace others. But more importantly, I'm glad I can laugh at myself. I've loved every single experience that life has thrown at me because it has made me who I am today. I'm not perfect (Oh, God, NO!) but I've enjoyed this process... I don't think I'll trade my life for anyone else's. I love these quotes:

"Someday, I want every single line on my face to speak to an incredibly rich life."

"Years are just something from a calendar, and I love that the numbers get bigger but I don't feel that much difference."

Ha... how true... What's more important now for me is not what has happened to my life thus far... but what will happen to my life in time to come. It will be exciting. It will be rich in fun and seriousness, laughter and tears, joy and sorrow, strengths and weaknesses... but it will be rich with Life HIMself.

That's what I want it to be. 

Happy Birthday, Me. Have a great life!

The Last Day

Hmm... today is a day for reckoning. It's the LAST day before a new chapter starts. I cannot begin to explain to you how I actually feel about it. It's a mish-mash inside... but I'm definitely thinking a lot about it. Not exactly in some emo "i-wanna-go-to-a-corner-and-cry-my-eyes-out" sort of way... maybe more, well, reflective?

So the perennial question I ask myself is: What is it that I've accomplished?

Worth thinking about, huh? Because then this question leads you on to evaluating other stuff in your life. 

What is it?

The Ditch

This picture got me chuckling. Ok ok... I know it's probably linked to some riot, political unrest, sociological unhappiness.... but, what the heck... That's how it is sometimes, isn't it?

Haha... What we cannot afford, we make do. We create, we innovate, we reinvent, we improvise (and all the other synonyms that you can think while you're reading this).

And it's true how I always fall into this ditch of "I cannot afford to" - buy this, make that, renovate my room, buy new furniture, waste my life, waste my time, put on weight, get any shorter, live in Australia etc...

But I can be content. Yes... I can, and I will. :)

Growing

This is a short post. I just want to get it out.

I think it's so amazing how long we've come - growing up together, discovering ourselves, finding and losing loves, moving on to the different chapters of our lives. It's quite a feat!

You know how it is with these hollywood movies about girls growing up and forming some kind of unbreakable bond, this inner-circle of friendship, the eternal 'sisterhood'? - Yah, that's how I feel about us, the Ong sisters, the soon-to-be-Mrs Hoon and me... :)

It's so exciting that little Rachel is coming to the older of the Ongs... it's amazing. Now we have to make room for a little girl... and just when the younger Ong is moving out... But of course, no one gets replaced. We just make room for one more... :)

I think everyone needs a circle of friends like we have. It lets us tell of our life's story with much more than just words...

There's so much to look forward to. I cannot wait...

Time for Tea

I had a great time Good Friday - hanging out with close friends and the Good News Singapore service was AWESOME.

One of my friends raised a concern when I was talking about my working in church. She's worried that I'm slowly losing my wit and she's afraid I'm not going to be funny anymore. (cos she read my blog *pat on the shoulder* and thinks I'm turning into a saint. Why she would think that bewilders me. I'm far from one.) What a silly notion! (shout out to YOU, my friend!)

I'm still the same person lah... I just reflect more on the things that God's been showing me about my own life and working in church doesn't make me less relevant to you guys, ok? And YES, I ADMIT. I don't laugh as hard anywhere else other than being with you guys. What will I do without you people, huh? huh? huh? Who will I poke? Who will take my nonsense? Who will UNDERSTAND my jokes?!? Who will offer to give me watches they buy for their wife? Who will I tease?Who will I go to if I wanna be totally random?!?

I love tea-time with you guys. I really do. It makes me real. Honestly. I feel at ease, I can be myself, and I can say anything I want, tell you how I feel and know that at the end of the day, it doesn't change what you guys feel about me. THAT, is a gift that I treasure.

I love our rose therapy... I miss it badly. But, it doesn't matter that dumb Shangri-La decides to be a punk and only let us sit for 2 hours at one go (They're losing loyal customers), because even if it was at a coffee shop (that sells vegetarian food), or a cafe where snails are offered to a vegetarian, or in a pantry, I know I'll always have fun, and I'll always be in the company of people I can trust, and people I love.

I love you guys... truly.

And I cannot wait for the next time we meet up. Watch out... Haha...

Dead Man Walking

This was the session that really spoke to me about my own life.. and it was this session that got me thinking a lot about my walk with God.

The title of the GC conference that I went to in Seattle was "Embrace Grace". It opened my eyes to see and understand what 'grace' really is. We all KNOW about grace - something we don't deserve but yet is offered to us. But how many really UNDERSTAND grace? That we REALLY don't need to earn it. It's there for us - freely given, freely receive. Grace IS God... and He's there for us to receive. How marvellous that the Creator of the UNIVERSE lets Himself be so readily available for us - mere humans, whose existence on earth is but fleeting. Just thinking about it kinda blows your mind a little out of proportion. And if you keep meditating on it, you realise that it starts to overtake your mind and your perspectives on life changes... and it alters, transforms. It's AMAZING GRACE...

In this conference, there was this session called "Dead Man Walking" by Pas Joel Stockstill and it really spoke to me. It was about how we are to be like Dead Men Walking. Why? Because our lives don't belong to us. And there is such liberty in walking like that. When you subject yourself to be 'dead', you really place yourself entirely in the hands of God. Nothing about you is you anymore. So you don't have to worry about your future, what tomorrow brings, your problems and cares, what about, what if... because you're not you! When you choose to live like that, it becomes liberating... not stifling... because you KNOW you're in good hands of one who loves you more than life itself.

"It is impossible for you to do what you want to do AND do what God wants you to do - unless you're DEAD. Then what you want to do will be ALL that God wants. Because you're DEAD, everything about you will be Him."

How absolutely true. It really got me thinking. This is what dying to yourself means. When Jesus was alive, He was a dead man walking. He knew His destiny was death on the cross but yet nevertheless, he was 'dead' to Himself and all that was Him was His Father's Will. 

And when I reflect about my life and my attitude to the things around me, I told God I want to strive to be a dead man. I know in my heart and flesh that I will struggle against it, I will argue my way through, rationalise, but this is my desire and I pray that the grace of God will help me get there... so that all I am will be all that He wants me to be.

As I examine my life, these were some of the things that really spoke to me:

1) Repentance is a lifestyle. It's not just a prayer you say when you accept Christ. When the Holy Spirit convicts, repent immediately. The more you fight Him, the easier it is to forget Him. 

2) Rebellion sometimes has little to do with sin. It can be a bad attitude. (Ouch! That hurts!) God, help me with that because I know I fall into that all too easily...

3) A dead person does not belong to this world... and the world cannot affect a dead person. How true. If you're dead, then no matter how much the world tries to get into you, it just will not and cannot do anything to you. You're... errr... DEAD! So factual but so difficult to understand sometimes. 

4) Your will ultimately determines how much ground you give to the Lord or to yourself. You can do something, but unless your will does it, you didn't do it. Wow... 

5) Brokenness is the ability to stay silent when given a command, being mistreated, or even falsely accused. It is being dead to your rights and privileges while being daily sensitized to the ever present guiding of the Holy Spirit. Digest this...

Help me Lord, because I can't do this on my own.

You've stolen my heart, yes, You have

You've wiped away the stains, You've broke away the chains

Yes, You have

This is all for You

You're the King of the world

-Leeland, "Yes, You Have"-

Hello there!

Hong Kong with Mom

I know, I know.... this is waaaaayyy overdue but here it is. better late than never. How true... haha...

Hong Kong with mom was definitely refreshing. NOT boring at all... and, definitely did not get bored with mom. In fact, I've learned to enjoy her more. Ok, yes, cheesy, but it's true. Ever felt that as you grow older, so do your parents? I felt that way in Hong Kong. Mom was getting older... and one day, I know we'll say goodbye for real and then everything else to redeem will be too late. So, grab the opportunity while there's still time.... or pray very hard for the rapture than no one has to leave forever. :) But, yeah, HK was fun. Mom was just like, "Ok, just buy lah. Don't care already." Pam was like, "COOL! Awesome!" Haha... You definitely MUST go to H&M in HK. It rocks... it's a super nice store with good clothes and everything else that's fashion related. Of course, there's the food... glorious food... I think it's just not possible to starve in HK. Honestly. How to??!!??

Space Needle in Seattle

Seattle was awesome too... Here's the fun part. Next post on my reflections. I find it hard to combine my reflections of the Seminar and the fun part of Seattle all together.

It was definitely fun going with all the ppl that went with me. We really ate, drank and merried... haha... food was good. HUGE portions but very nice burgers and pasta, pizzas... but a little expensive to eat out there. Actually, there's nothing much to see in Seattle but the shopping was awesome. Really... you can really bag a good bargain in the States. And you cna buy ANYTHING. Really... I brought back things from shoes to Eater eggs. Haha. You can come try them when you get to my office (if my colleagues haven't finished it yet, that is! Ah-Hem!) But, yeah, it was nice to be able to go to the waterfall, experience snow... and the conference was good. I took away some stuff and I think God really dealt with some stuff in my life through that. So, I had a great time, basically. And I'm really thankful that I got to go. It was a real blessing. 

Thank you, Jesus... and Thank you, everyone who enabled me to go and survive well in the States. 

I am so grateful... :)

You can view pictures on my facebook... it's all there.