Saturday, February 14, 2009

Peek-a-boo!




This is officially the FIRST entry I'm posting on my FIRST blog. I'm kinda excited... I know, I know, I'm a bit slow. Pardon the old mechanism, hah! But as I was thinking about how to go about doing this in the most fitting way, I thought about what to post, how to say the things, what info to offer and such. And yes, I've decided. "Peek-a-boo" because this is exactly the place I am in now. I'm peeking into the world of blogging; I'm peeking into different areas of my life; I'm peeking into the plans that God has in store for me; I'm peeking in his blessings and His work in my life. It's an amazing sight. (partly cos there's me involved. HAHA! cut me some slack. What's MY blog without singing my own praises? :P)

Anyway, I'm just gonna start like it's been many many entries... 

The week started off kinda on the wrong foot. It's like the entire week woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It's been a whirl wind of events, things to do, datelines to meet, friends leaving the country, yada yada... and I could not help but to complain, and ask questions that really should be banished from my mind - Why am i doing this? What am I doing here? Why? How come? These questions hit me a lot of times, especially when the going gets tough. The ugly face of doubt rears its monstrous head...

But you know what? One day (must have been Wednesday) I couldn't take it anymore and I went to my secret place, a.k.a Ladies' toilet in Toa Payoh and prayed just TWO words, "God... seriously..." And suddenly, it didn't matter anymore. Well, the stress is still there, the people, the things to finish, but it just didn't matter anymore. It's going to be OKAY... It's like GOD took up all the space and Doubt has not where else to go but out.

And so starts my good week.

The whole week, a friend kept talking about silver linings... and you know the thing about silver linings is, that it gets missed out if you're not looking closely. And so when the cloud of things didn't matter anymore, I saw my silver linings: No rude students, No exam papers, No 400 scripts, good friends, coffee, Hong Kong, Seattle, Mondays, seeing Esther Foong teach ME the net lesson (ultimate role-reversal)... and you know what? I'm alright! :) I finished what I had to do for the week... and it's ending well!

On my way to net I heard Starfield's Shipwreck... and here's what spoke to me:

I am just a beggar here at Your door
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
I come empty-handed ready to see
your life in me changing who I am
To who I need to be

And that is what I want... I want to 'NEED to be' what God 'WANTS me to be' - His wants as my need. So, here, God, at Your door and on Your shore... peeking... 


6 comments:

estherwee said...

That's the spirit Pam!! (:
I'm really really happy to hear that you're (almost) stress-free!!! Hahaha..
Keep looking at the positive side of life yea, God works in many many ways. Haha..
Love ya! (:

Yvonne said...

HEY PAMMM!!!!

*hugs..* I know how it feels....... totally..
But hey!
Great job!
i mean for both spiritually and....
the blog..

Hehe.. =)

Thomases said...

On your way to being a Proverbs 31 Woman! Saw your blog through Google Alert and thought I'd come say hi.

estherfoong. said...

Honored to be mentioned in your first post! :D I'm so glad that it's been 10 years and you're still a big part of my life and my ministry! Besides God, I have you to thank for contributing to be who I am today. (Not that I'm like an awesome person but yea... you get my drift.)

Thanks for encouraging me with that testimony! At least I know I am not the only retard who hides in toilet cubicles and cries out to God for help. And at least I know that it's evident that the intervention that came for me wasn't my own emotional imagination. Haha God is real huh! :D

Looking forward to many more of your posts! Yayness. :D :D :D

Good-du-bye Pamela-san!!! Hieeeeee!!! (Rwar.)

Yvonne said...

ESTHERRR FOOONNNG er xin lar... wah lao lol.. fighto....

Esther Tan Lixin said...

maybe i should start trying out the toilet ministry! hahaha.. =) STOP THE FOOD MINISTRY!