Steps

I think it's funny how with every victory, no matter how big or small, there will still be yet another step to climb. I mean, no matter how many mountaintops you get to, you ultimately face the inevitable valley. But when you get to the valley, you are sure to get to the mountaintop yet again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying God loves seeing us downcast and suffering. In fact, He puts it quite plainly that whenever you're doing the will of the Father, that you will find joy no matter what. What's even more bizarre is that 'JOY' is this complex, innate and deep sense of happiness and contentment, rather than the outward expression of excitement and exhilaration. 

Recently, I've been planning. Yup, mapping out a plan for my life ahead. I realise that when I waved goodbye to the Ministry of Education, I did not just step into a church office, I stepped into possibilities. The only thing that makes any great distinction is HIM, HIS VOICE, HIS PLAN. Bummer... ha. (Just kidding, God... :/ ) And I remember a friend told me, "Pam, don't be so quick to plan and map out everything cos crap happens." (obviously this friend used the more accurate and crude word here) And guess what? It did. Very shortly after my post (9 Sept), something did happen that made me stop to think about whether my plans could be carried out. And just recently, there was a glimmer of hope, a small little way out, a small conquest, a tiny summit-experience. But yet again, tonight, the light seemed to fade away. And at best, it was fade-ING away.

So, hopefully, God, please don't let it disappear. I can hope, right? :)