Demise

Note to reader: This is NOT an emo post. For real.

This week was pretty eventful. There were many first(s) that happened this week. I will remember the events of this week very vividly and tell the stories to my descendants.

1) The demise of an Office Chair.

I witnessed the violation and the breaking of an office chair at my boss's house this week. Someone, namely J***N, sat on it when we were having caregroup and in the midst of people praying for one another for encouragement and strength (it was an intimate moment). There was this LOUD crashing, followed by awed silence, and then contained laughter followed. ROTFL... The chair BROKE. Someone needs to go on a diet. Thankfully it wasn't me on the chair. I decided the floor was the safest. At least the chances f you breaking through the floor is a lot lesser than you breaking a chair. That's comforting...

2) The demise of an asset.

OH.MY.WORD. I've never been THIS broke in my life.... it's not even funny. My friend said to me, "Welcome to Brokeville." Thanks. I'm new here. Are there any neighbours? It's sad, incredible, but true. I went to the ATM today to get some money so the $0.50 in my wallet won't feel so alone.I was thinking that I still have some semblance of money in my account. (Thinking is dangerous. Thinking gives you hope. Bleah....)And I don't know what it is but something prompted me to press the "Account Balance" option before the "Cash" option. And so I did. With that fateful finger on that fateful button on that fateful option. I wait, in anticipation, half thinking that the amount was exactly as I left it from the last withdrawal. I breathe in and out. "Why is the machine taking so long to get my balance on the screen?!?" And then the text on the screen flickers to a new screen. My balance. First thought: OH.MY.WORD! WHAT.THE.STINK!!! My mom is so gonna kill me! And then panic to bewilderment. "WHY? WHY IS IT SO LITTLE?!?" And then it turns to resignation. "SUCKS. Sigh..." And then I opted for "End transaction." 

3) The demise of age.

So I was in a conversation with some friends over dinner (not restaurant. not cafe. not expensive) and we got to talking about how fast the year has gone by. It's that time of the year. People get nostalgic and start reminiscing... all that mushy "awwwww.... so nice...." stuff. So anyway, we were talking about how November is just round the corner. And then one friend said, "Oh my! In approximately two months, I will technically be 22 years old!" (She's now 21.) And when she said that, this awakening zapped right into the heart of my being. I'm aging... GREAT...

4) The demise of a teenager

My sister has arrived. In a couple of days, she will be an adult in the eyes of the law. I say this because I am pretty sure my parents will never understand that their children are actually capable of critical thinking and fully able to make calculated decisions so that their lives won't be completely destroyed. Maybe one day I'll understand why, but for now... I have no idea. Joy's gonna be 21. I've only thought about this day... never actually thinking that it'll ever come to pass. I always thought I was gonna be raptured into heaven before this day. (oh, be quiet. I was young and ignorant. Who can blame me?) In a couple of days, she will no longer be a teenager. She will not need parental consent to be married, or participate in youth camps or overnight activities.  If she commits a crime, she will be judged in the high court and sent to jail if found guilty. She has successfully stepped out of the embarrassing social status of a "juvenile". Congratulations, sis. Remember, don't commit crimes.

Green lights

I'm frustrated. I cannot find the 're-start' button anywhere. I don't see 'reset' anywhere. There's no 'restore to factory settings'. And, nope, no 'eject' anywhere either. It's just green light, continuously lighted throughout. The whole time. It doesn't get switched off. It doesn't go to red. It just stays green.

Sometimes, I wished it went to red light. Cos then that means something's gotta change. The batteries, the whole appliance, something.

But no. It just stays green. The whole time.

Steps

I think it's funny how with every victory, no matter how big or small, there will still be yet another step to climb. I mean, no matter how many mountaintops you get to, you ultimately face the inevitable valley. But when you get to the valley, you are sure to get to the mountaintop yet again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying God loves seeing us downcast and suffering. In fact, He puts it quite plainly that whenever you're doing the will of the Father, that you will find joy no matter what. What's even more bizarre is that 'JOY' is this complex, innate and deep sense of happiness and contentment, rather than the outward expression of excitement and exhilaration. 

Recently, I've been planning. Yup, mapping out a plan for my life ahead. I realise that when I waved goodbye to the Ministry of Education, I did not just step into a church office, I stepped into possibilities. The only thing that makes any great distinction is HIM, HIS VOICE, HIS PLAN. Bummer... ha. (Just kidding, God... :/ ) And I remember a friend told me, "Pam, don't be so quick to plan and map out everything cos crap happens." (obviously this friend used the more accurate and crude word here) And guess what? It did. Very shortly after my post (9 Sept), something did happen that made me stop to think about whether my plans could be carried out. And just recently, there was a glimmer of hope, a small little way out, a small conquest, a tiny summit-experience. But yet again, tonight, the light seemed to fade away. And at best, it was fade-ING away.

So, hopefully, God, please don't let it disappear. I can hope, right? :)